My Sweet Girls,
Every day when you wake me up way too early, I hope you know I REALLY don’t want to wake up. But I do because I can’t wait to see you reach up your arms for me and say “Good Morning, Mama.” I hope you know that from the very first moment I’m awake I wonder what I’m going to mess up that day, what tiny thing your mama might overreact to, and if you’ll ever recover from it. I think about this every moment of every day. I wonder if I will yell over spilled juice or broken window blinds or any other little thing that doesn’t matter. I wonder if I pay you enough attention, tell you I love you enough, discipline you correctly, or feed you healthily enough.
I wonder am I enough. Am I the kind of woman I want you to grow up to be? In you, I see my best and worst features come to light in such ways that make me realize you are watching EVERY move I make. You want to be just like me. And in realizing that, I want you to know this: You are already so much more than I could ever aspire to be. You’re both so kind, so sensitive, so sweet. You’re bold and determined and strong-willed. You’re so frustrating. Daddy and I try so hard to guide these attributes and not break them. As an adult, we want you to be able to stand your ground in a world that says you can’t. We want you to stand up in a world that tells Christians to sit down. We want you to maintain your tenderness in a world that says women have to be tough and obnoxious. But most of all, I want to model these things to you so that you see what a Christian woman, mother, and wife should be. I want to SHOW you, not TELL you. And I’m struggling.
Daddy wants to SHOW you the type of man who deserves your heart, mind, and body. He wants to SHOW you that the man you want loves GOD more that YOU. That he seeks God in everything. That after God, NOTHING else comes before you. And He is doing such a good job. I want you to know that there isn’t a man on this earth that can show you the type of man God has set aside for you better than your Daddy. I also want you to know that we pray for that man just as much as we pray for you.
Sweet girls, I want you to know that though I fail you daily, I am trying. I am doing my best to show you how to love God, your husband, and your children IN THAT ORDER. I am doing everything I can to equip you for a world that wants to steal your joy, your purpose, and your faith. But, babies, please know that there is someone who can give you so much more than Mama or Daddy ever could. Someone who has given up His very life for you. Someone who can fill the holes we can’t. So, when I disappoint you, and I promise I will (albeit unwillingly), look to Him. Ask Him to fill the void only He can fill. Ask him to show you WHY I do what I do. WHY I say what I say.
By the time you are old enough to understand this, I will likely be rocking YOUR babies to sleep. I will be telling you that you’ll never feel complete without your babies close by. That your heart now is walking around outside your body. But I hope that when you do, you will see that everything Daddy and I do, we do for you. We do it to lead you ever closer to a God who loves you so infinitely much, our vast love for you pales in comparison. That there is NOTHING we wouldn’t do for you. We would lay down our lives for you without so much as a FIRST thought, much less giving it a second though.
More than anything else, sweet babies, I want you to know that you are WORTHY. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of grace. You are worthy of every good thing this world has to offer and EVERYTHING that our God has to offer. Always remember that you are worthy because 2,000 years ago, a man wanted you and loved you enough to DIE to make you worthy before God. He DIED to give you fellowship with the Father. He DIED to make you worthy. Don’t ever forget that YOU ARE WORTHY.
And don’t forget that you make my life worth living. Every single second of it.
I love you all the way to the moon and back.