When Marriage Isn’t A Fairy Tale

From the time we are little girls, we dream of the dream come true. The handsome prince that will sweep us off our feet and carry us off into a life of bliss. The guy who will make us forget there was ever anything before him. And for the first little while, that seems to be exactly what we have.

Fast forward to real life. The honeymoon phase is over. You have kids and jobs and a mortgage. You annoy each other. You want to be alone instead of together 24/7. You’re burnt out. Finally, you realize everything society has fed you your entire life is a lie.

He’s a good man. He’s a hard worker. He loves you and he loves your babies. So why aren’t you happy? You, my dear, have been fed a big hunk of crap your entire life. You’ve been told that “The right one will ALWAYS make you happy.” Well, guess what? He won’t. He will hurt your feelings and will say some of the dumbest things you ever thought possible. He will be late. He will do a million things that make you want to throat punch him. And guess what? You married him.

You know who you didn’t marry? Prince Charming. Derek Morgan. Mr. Darcy. McDreamy. Edward Cullen (Yes, I did say that.), Rhett Butler. These guys are all fictional. That means fake. Real guys don’t always call you “Baby Girl.” or  tell you you deserve to be kissed often… and by someone who knows how. They’re not going to take you to the ball or always profess their undying love in song. They won’t dance with you or plan your dates. (I’m not saying none of them do, I’m just saying it’s never like what you see in movies.)

It’s messy. It’s frustrating. It’s confusing. It’s hard. It’s going to take every bit of self-control and will power you have. But you’ve made covenant with your husband before God. You’ve promised to love him through sickness and health. Wealth and poverty. Under any and all circumstances. And this is where you realize that love is not a feeling- it’s a choice. You choose whether you’re going to honor the man you’ve chosen to live life with or whether you’re going to falter under your feelings. You choose to be in love. You don’t fall. And you told Him at the alter before God that you’d choose him EVERY DAY.

And you know what? It’s not always easy. Sometimes, you’d rather choose to throat punch him and walk out. Sometimes, you’d rather choose to flirt with danger. But, you have to resist. You have to know that the reason it’s greener on the other side is that it’s fertilized with manure. (Are you catching what I’m saying?)

When you finally realize that this is real life and not a fairy tale, it hits you like a ton of bricks. But, friend, you need to know that it doesn’t mean it isn’t a love story. Love stories are real, fairy tales are not. And there will be a time when you look back at these hardest days and say, “We made it through.” But the only way to make it is to look to God and ask Him to show you how to choose to love.

 

Love to my loves,

Cate

6 thoughts on “When Marriage Isn’t A Fairy Tale

  1. Jen Schneider says:

    I’m a fairy tale kind of girl, but you’re right… life is not a fairy tale and husbands don’t behave like that. There are good days and bad days for husbands and wives. I’m not Cinderella either, but I choose love. The real love that bites my tongue when he says something ugly and he deserves something ugly back, that smiles when he holds my hand, and appreciates what he does to take care of our family. Great post! It’s a message that deserves a share.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cate Purvis says:

      Thanks so much. I think a lot of times, too, we forget that we aren’t Cinderella. That’s a viewpoint that is really making me think today. Thank you for that.

      Like

  2. gabitzaco says:

    I loved your post. Marriage is work and both have to choose to do that work. We come from different backgrounds, sometimes different cultures and love is not always enough to make it to the end. There is work, responsibility and love….and it takes two for a tango! Wonderful post!

    Liked by 1 person

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